My Prince was not even near… Part III

“Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments, and know everything happens for a reason.” ~Albert Schweitzer

If you haven’t already, please read Part I here and Part II here of this series.

Several years passed and I was beginning to wonder if this man would ever come. I was trusting God for one with similar demographics to mine: single, Christian, my age, never married with no children. The chances of getting that in my forties were slim but I dared to hope. I met a friend, Spontaneous, and became fast friends. We had so much in common and we were both adventurers and spontaneous.  We had a lot of fun and he expanded my world in ways I hadn’t even imagined. As time passed, he pointed out things he liked about me that he wanted in a wife, one of which was that I was very respectful! What?? 😁 He was single, Christian, my age, never married with no children. He checked all my boxes!!! This is what I had been waiting for! This is what the Lord had delayed me for! I was excited about him! Everything made so much sense and worked so well… until it didn’t. One day Spontaneous visited me and let me know that he wasn’t moving forward with me after all! My world stopped. My heart shattered into a million little pieces. I held my tears until he left and then the dam broke like a flood. 

The next day being a Sunday, I went to church and a friend asked me “How are you?” I broke down and cried. Another friend, seeing what was going on pulled me aside and took me to her car so I could cry in privacy. I cried for a solid hour, no kidding. Now we laugh about it but back then it wasn’t funny 😜. Amid the tears, I cried “I am 43 years old, how am I crying from a broken heart?” My friend gently told me that a heart was never too old to break, it simply meant that I had loved, which was not a bad thing. I was confused. After all that I had learned and knew, I should have seen this coming.  Why hadn’t I? I felt stupid, and deeply embarrassed. Through the tears I asked God why I was not a keeper. Why didn’t I get chosen? What was wrong with me? Shortly afterwards I saw a post that read “When you finally find the one for you, you will be glad all the others let you go.” Another read “Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder and not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.” And yet another “Sometimes when your life is falling apart, it’s actually falling into place.” These were the first things that gave me hope and made me smile. They were the light at the end of the [dark] tunnel. Additionally, remembering previous heartbreaks, I knew I was going to be okay. Eventually. I just didn’t know how to get from Heartbreak to Eventually. This one was devastating, and I realized that I needed help to get to Eventually. I consulted WikiHow and searched “How to mend a broken heart”. WikiHow did not disappoint. ‘She’ had 3 main stages with several steps under each stage. In the introduction, WikiHow opined that it took roughly two years to fully mend a broken heart! I almost fell off my chair 😆. Two years!!! But remembering the last time two years passed on account of my heart, I knew I would get through this one. I read a step at a time, coming back when I felt ready to move on to the next step. WikiHow reminded me to know that I would be okay, eventually. I needed to give time, time. That became my mantra that I spoke to myself each day.

Slowly days turned into weeks into months, and I got better by the day. At one step, WikiHow suggested that I look back at the relationship and assess what happened: what worked and what didn’t. I mourned not only the lost love and potential future, but the loss of a good friend. Spontaneous had wanted to remain friends but I wasn’t having it. Then I saw a post that read “Be willing to let go of the life you planned to live the one that you have”. I laughed out loud! God was speaking to me through this heartbreak for sure. He enabled me to look back from a very sobber perspective. I saw red flags that I just hadn’t paid attention to.  If this wasn’t the first heartbreak, WikiHow suggested an audit of all of them to see if there were similarities that I could learn from, to help make different choices going forward.  At that time a friend shared with me how her business ventures had failed in the last ten years. Using the same analogy, I advised her to do an analysis of all projects: pros and cons, what worked or didn’t; to learn and make different choices going forward. She did, and today she’s doing well for herself.

Then came the step that WikiHow suggested a few things after looking back: I take responsibility for my part in the heartbreak – that was all I could control. This was a tough one, but I did. Also, I needed to consciously remember that one unfavorable decision did not define the person. I needed to understand where Spontaneous was coming from and why he made his decision even if I didn’t agree with it. I tried; and finally realized that I was never going to get a satisfactory answer.  I decided to forgive myself, forgive him, accept and respect his decision. I made peace with my past; something I now champion. You cannot change your past, whatever it is that you may be agonizing over, so make peace with it and move forward. At the tail end of the steps, WikiHow offered the choice to remain friends or not. She opined that by this time I was healed enough to make an informed decision. According to WikiHow, this was dependent on my wellbeing, safety, and ability to not get entangled and end back where I started: Heartbreak. I remembered that Spontaneous had been a very good friend before we became complicated. Seeing that good friends that late in life are few and far between, I decided to re-establish the friendship. 😄 Even then, I decided that anything more than friendship was no longer an option because I had learned over the recovery period that our pieces simply belonged in different puzzles.

I saw a post that said a broken heart was like a sprained ankle. At the start it hurts like crazy but as time passes the pain gets less and one day you wake up and realize that it doesn’t hurt anymore. Likewise, one day I woke up and I didn’t hurt anymore. I had got to Eventually and it was about two years down the line 😅. Praise Jesus! Noteworthy is that I have replicated WikiHow a few times with loved ones and shared the link a couple of times even. I ask them to know that they will be okay – eventually – and keep going.

It is ten years now since Heartbreak, and I haven’t dated since. I have learnt a lot about myself and my capabilities. I am at rest. It hasn’t always been easy, but I have kept moving forward. I still dare to love and remain hopeful that one day I shall be found. Eventually 😍. Until then, life goes on… I share my story hopeful that someone reading this might just learn from it, and move forward knowing that it shall all be well. Eventually…

Lovelies, thank you for walking with me on and offline. Thank you for reading, responding and reaching out. I appreciate y’all and pray blessings upon you and yours. Love y’all loads 💜.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 [ESV]